Monday, January 23, 2012

Who's birthday is first, for real?

We've been talking a lot about birthdays here lately. Lola and Jackson have been to more parties for their classmates this year and they know that they have a birthday coming up. We've talked about party themes and what gifts they would like and what flavor cake they want to bake. This is the exciting part about having two kids about to be 4, so much of the fun is in the planning. And being a bit of a planner myself, I have enjoyed every bit of it ;) One topic that I wasn't so thrilled about (or prepared for ), however, came up for the first time the other day.

"Who's birthday is gonna be first mom?"

Ah... preschoolers. And the ever present question, "Who's first?" Or sometimes the demand, "I'm gonna be first!" Or the indignant cry,"I WAS FIRST!"

Well folks, if you have preschool twins, or probably two preschoolers close in age, this is a constant source of discussion, anxiety, and occasionally tears. Who's going to be first to the car? Who's going to get out of the bath first? Who will be first carried up to bed?

Aaron and I have learned, like many parents of twins before us, to avoid the black and white labels of "first" and (gasp) "last" at pretty much any cost. We substitute the word "turn" a lot without even thinking about it. We walk to the car together "as a family" to avoid hearing "I wanted to be the leader!" And if it's utterly unavoidable, if there are two kids waiting for ice cream and one is clearly going to get theirs first, I look at the one waiting impatiently and try to feel some sympathy as I scoop as fast as humanly possible.

I digress. Back to "who's birthday is gonna be first?"

It started with "What day is my birthday, mom?"
"Lola, your birthday is March 11th."
Then came "Well what day is MY birthday, mom?"
"Jack, your birthday is also March 11th. You have the same birthday. Isn't that cool?!?!"

Please please please think that's so cool.

Not a chance.

I could see it in their eyes. The confusion. Their little preschool brains refusing to accept that they could have the SAME BIRTHDAY. Impossible. Inconceivable. Utterly ridiculous.
I must not have understood the question. "No, but mom, who's birthday is first?"

I went round and round, refusing to budge. No way am I getting into that with two 4 yrs old. Not even 4... 3 yrs and 10 mos. I held steady, "guys, you have the SAME birthday. No one is first. No one is second (for the love of God, NEVER say LAST). You were in my belly at the same time. The doctor took you out of my belly at the same time. You have absolutely the same birthday."

Their resolve was as steady as mine. I'm pretty sure they think I'm an idiot. And that's fine with me. I would rather them be frustrated by my idiocy than look my precious little wide eyed birthday boy and girl in the face and tell them that one of them is 1 minute older than the other. Like Santa and the Easter Bunny, I'm holding on to that unfortunate truth as long as I possibly can!


  1. Wow, who could guess that would come up? Not I. Good luck wit this. Hopefully it will resolve itself. oma

  2. Hi there! I have twin boys that turned 3 last month. Luckily the question of who came first has not come up, but I have thought about it before. My husband and I decided that we were not going to tell them until they are... I dunno... 35? Hehe... But seriously, we have not told anyone who came first. My husband, the doctor and I know and that's how we intend to keep it for awhile. I always get a confused look from strangers when they go through the... Oh-my-gosh-they're-so-cute-are-they-twins-you-sure-have-your-hands-full-which-one-is-older? Me: Neither.

    P.S. I also have a 6 month old daughter... So between the neither one's older and OMG you have a baby, too?!?! I think most people think I'm crazy. But, I'm okay with that. :) keep on keeping on, twin mama!